悶悶不樂&不知所措のmood

當我想起一個人的時候
常常會去想看看他最近過得怎樣
但大多數讓我看到的都挺讓我失望
比如說
他幫前女友說話
主動關心女生朋友跟他們聊天
其實我不想想太多
有時候很久不見又突然很想念
但往往我看到的
都不是我想看到的
我想時間是最好的證明 也是我唯一明智可走的路

看不到
到不到
聽不到
可以減少去想念的機率
越久的看不到，到不到，聽不到
希望可以想不到
只要我不會想到
那就不會悶悶不樂了

或許我還需要點時間才能遺忘

Love.Friends

《和我喜欢的蓝玫瑰合照，谢谢那位Gentleman》

Usually i don't have the habit to read those chinese long passage written about love, life, friendship and etc.

BUT~

after my first heart breaking experience, i have learned to pick up the habit to read more passage regards of all these love and relationship thingy.

『probably also due to a friend~sharon yoong influence, because she give me many valuable advises during my break up and had make me realise alot of things from reading all these notes..』

Here is a small part i've extracted from the looong~ passage...that had touched me personally. It goes like this...

有一天，友情和愛情碰見。

愛情問友情︰世上有我了，為什麼還要有你的存在？

友情笑著說︰愛情會讓人們流淚，而友情的存在就是幫人們擦干眼淚﹗

朋友就是︰偶爾會為你擔心、向你關心、替你 心、想你開心、逗你開心、請你放心。

朋友之間，懂得關懷才是難得.....

傷心時不妨和我說；

痛苦時別忘了跟我講；

有病時別忘了通知我；

困難時記得要請教我；

失望時要想起還有我；

開心時更不要忘記我。

Another passage about love had speak right into my heart too...

伴侶不是結婚時發願非你不娶或非你不嫁的那個人，而是發現你身上有許多缺點仍然選擇你的那個人。

This verse, had told me that i am suppose to be where i am now. Because we are still not mature enough.

After this heart breaker, at least i know there is 1 thing i confirmed learned...

Once decided to commit to a relationship, be mature..in thinking & action.

At this point of time, i had fail and fall very badly..but now i learned..hope in the futue i will grow from my mistake.

Look at the bright side, we always have to.

现在已经是分手的几乎一个月后了，经过了一切的努力挽回，一次又一次的失落。。打击。。我想我是时候应该要。。彻底的醒过来了。

我应该公平一点，舍得一点。。去放下前一段刻骨铭心的爱情。

说真的。。每当看到那张脸的时候，我还会有那种熟悉的感觉涌上心头。。好像你还是我的。。

但在看着你的笑容时，我在想是社么事让你这么开心。。但很遗憾和伤心的是我却完全不知道到；

我根本没idea为何你会笑得这么开心。。已经完全没有一点概念你在想社么了。

发觉这一点的时候，我才发现，我们的分手，已成定局。。我已无发挽回，不该再去想念，不该再奢望了。

听朋友说，你有新对象了。

只是我一直不肯相信。。不相信你会这么快变心。。我对你，对自己，都太过有信心。

从一对自以为可以恩爱到永远，朋友都看好的情侣。。

却这么经不起考验。。

走到今天这一步，我真的不知道我相信社么是对的，信社么是错的。

。。。

但我知道，天下乌鸦，不是一般黑的。

『 这个部落格，也曾经是我和他共用的。之前有些文章，是他写的。我会保留他的笔迹在这里，这次，也是我最后一次会在文章中提起他。一切都让他停留在这里，为止。』

『希望从今天开始，你就活在这里，不要在我的脑海里。』

『不管有多么不舍得，我都得学着放下！』

『为了未来～我要重新开始！』

Relationship Crisis

Yest night, was one of the most loneliest night i ever had. Now that i already have no one to sleep with me, no one to chat to sleep, but yest night, i even have no one to feel to sleep.

Yest is the day i have conflict with my bf,and that conflict caused a break off in our relationship. We agree to break... :'(

The worst thing of this break off, is that it happen in peace situation. I wish we could fight over, scream at each other, then we say the word 'break' out of rage! cz then we can say that that is a rush decision bcz people usually dont mean waht they say when they were angry. But the worst is it wasn't like that. Reason why im so afraid of this is bcz peacefully break means it is not decision we both made out of anger, but is decision from a conscious mind.

All in all, i think He deserve a better inner quality person to be his gf. I am just a girl who play with emotions everyday, whom hasn't done any wonders in his life but keep on expect to get from him.

Is time to decide what kind of person u wana be with. If u love this person for her looks and kindness instead of really love her for who she is, or i shd say u dont know how to 欣赏 whatever she does..u had basically feel she is hopeless..then it is wise that u break away from her..bcz this kinda person really wont do u any good but make you complaint and give her lecture on how to live a more 'less-hopeless' or 'meaningful life' that u imagine she will turn to be...

Im not angry, im hopelessly sad and lost. Bcz even the closest person cant see the good in me. The person who tells me that he love me everyday, is unable to tolerate my weakness. From your voice, i knew i had disappoint u. From your eyes, couldn't see the same admiring interest and that kind of passion hen u have in your eyes when look at me 1,1/2 year ago..

Dear pls think thro this seriously..if im not the girl u want..if u think im worthless person..or im weak..i wil tell u u deserve a better person..

The Wonder of him♥

I miss my boy boy so much, its been 2 weeks since he went to uk to complete his degree program. That makes me feel so ♥ sick, so emo and so lonely cz i was mentally relying on him too much back when he was still in malaysia. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that i would die for him. Just that i love him & im happy with his presence & i want him to be by my side all the time if possible. He is a guy that i like, i fancy, i love, i rely on.. like i never did felt like that before.  

Now i would like to share with u why i love him so much. Some of the wonderful things he did just made me love him even more from day to day. He really touches & melt my heart. He did wonders and plant happiness into my life. For examples~ He will wake up at 4.30am to prepare breakfast for me, and after a long day hanging out, he would still cook dinner for me. Alto he doesn't know how to cook actually. However, no doubt that his first time cooking was amazingly tasty~ ^^ 

This is the dinner! the delicious Italian style ~ Mushroom Pasta ~ by my dear Mr.Lee, the taste is double tumbs up wo!!! =)

This is the breakfast~ He even cut all the tomatos & cucumber & line it up neatly..^^

Besides this, my boy boy also accompany me to work then accompany back from my office again. Both me & him have no car cz he is from Miri & i have no car license & not yet have my personal car for me to drive. Alto it is very tiring jouney just to accompany me come & go, but he did it. Everyday accompany me to work for 1 week. His effort means alot to me and surely does made me feel happy.. =)

Now that he had left to uk and i thought that No matter what im going through  here back in malaysia, he wont be able to help during my down times. Thou he wasn't physically here to concern me, but i see every little effort he did trying to maintain this 'distance relationship'..One little effort for example~

He draw this pic for me.So lovely & funny but its us ;D

Now that im taking my baby foot steps venturing into the adult / working world,  facing obstacles and learning to work with people every single day, and that include learning to make decision for my own, good or bad. Without his daily advice & comfort for this 3 months, i hope i will improved myself into becoming a better person..

~All in all~

TQ my Jerry dear ^.^

I hate to say goodbye

Today is the day...the day where my closest best friend, whom he is also oso my love, were going UK-Sheffield for further study. Alto i really want to sent him to airport, but i couldn't, I just have the feeling i don't want to go. But i hadn't figure out a specific reason why i don't want to. Now i am aware his had already go on plane, and i just realize why my intuition told me not to sent him to airport...now...i feel such sorrow in my heart...i felt empty...thinking that people are going on plane...fly away from me...i cant bare to see that situation...thinking about all the to goodbye i have to say...goodbye kiss..goodbye hug...i cried...beyond my will...unexpectedly.

However, after set my mind peace, i conclude that I WILL be tough to live through the days without my vip to give me love & support. I will take this opportunity to sow my heart and efforts into building my career path... Sow -> to Grow -> to Reap... =)

Gambate~!!!

Sky Bar

Sky Bar ~

My bf is going to UK soon and he gona pass his birthday at far far away UK.. So~ i decide to PRE-celebrate his birthday with him and that's when i decided to bring him to a nice place & that he had not went before, then i choose~ Sky Bar @ Traders Hotel =p

I decide to go at 6pm so that we can see the Day, Sunset & Night KL scenery from 33th floor Sky Bar ;)

The environment & the view is pretty nice up there~ it was my first time going too, But don't know why i somehow wasn't amazed by the place.. mb bcz i don't get to swim in the swimming pool situated just beside my table ;p

Pics~ ta dum~

About 6.30pm view from Sky Bar..hehe..KLCC rocks~We order Salmon & Fried chicken dumpling..the chicken dumpling was the nicest fried dunpling i have ever tasted~ It don't look nice but once chew it, u will be awe!Sky Bar Lounge Eat until like that..haha..so funny~Nice swimming pool they have..wish to go in swim..but have to pay 148++ which is their brunch pacage if i'm not mistaken..i not yet able to afford that..hahaAround 7.30pm..can see the beautiful sunset~ wau~
Sky Bar is roof top bar..& the above the pool is roof-less! we didn't notice it is actually roof-less.. until...When it rain heavily into the swimming pool... now we not only get to see day, sunset, night but oso rainy day here..haha~ ^^Around 8.30pm...After the short rain.. Beautiful KLCC~!!! Cheerz to the Legend of Malaysia ~ KLCC~ Dear i hope u like where i bring you today ya~ ;)
I have fun visit Sky Bar thou..hehe.. cheerz to Higher & Better quality of Life Ahead of us^,-
Stay happy & Be healthy always dear =)

Unique White Rose

HAPPY SECOND ANNIVERSARY to Jerry & Pauline =)

:: Second chapter of our love story begin on 29042010 ::

Again, for the 2nd year anniversary we cant celebrate with each other because we were distance apart. However, we still have a warm memorable 2nd anniversary because we manage to made up for each other.

I felt the love delivered from Miri sarawak ^^

People said White Rose are rare, and so, it gives the meaning of uniqueness of one individual. One who is imperfect, yet, is being treated as a precious gift by a person who see the uniqueness inside out of the person.
Thank you so much for the Red roses in the pass & i esp love the Pink & White ones now =) Hoping i will get blue ones in future~ hehe..thx dear ^^ mucks!This is the very first moment when i recieved it from the delivery man..i didnt look very pleasant at the very moment but my mom was too excited & wanted me to take pic with the rose asap~ ^^ Thx for the card dear..reli warm msg ^^
I'm pretty excited too =) Love it love it!! so huge, lovely & charming ~^^
Baby Jerry is admiring the charming roses with kapo Mami
Thanks for ur love & care for this 2 years, may God bless us anr our relationship dear =)TQ~ my precious one =)

Human' 4 season mood

From Kapo daddy:

Greeted happily in the night, having a goodnight sleep and of course a sweet dream happened to me. Early in the morning i waked up by my mom and breakfast is prepared. It's all good... looking at the time and i see, ohh~ it's time to call my darling for a morning call. Its great that she had wake up and bath. Everything went smooth, soft, and sweet. Asked her to get breakfast as soon as possible, of course she say "yap, i will^^".

I hang off the phone with a smile face and wait her to finish her preparation and everything before she can sms me. But until 1pm, no sound yet...arhhgg... i am worry, because i know she is alone at home most of the morning, and her condo is "not so safe" as what i've heard. So trying my luck to call her to see if she answer.....

Duu..duuu.....duuu...duuu.... until the last second before it goes into voicemail...she answer!! yahoo~~.... i heard a lot of car passing by sound and horn. Instantly i know she is heading to the office now. So i politely as, "dear, at outside ma".... then from here... things went so bad that I never expect.

I understand, ppl tend to get mad when he/she doesn't feel comfortable, same goes to me. When the room is hot, the pc is lag, and the speaker is dead, and the mail is stuck... i will drive into mad mode, and whoever who approach me, there will be "NO GOOD THING". I wont say, "hehe, its ok coz i am hot." I wont say "haha, its ok that the pc is lag"... but i will say " IT IS BLOODY FREAKING HOT AND WHAT THE HECK THE SPEAKER NO SOUND!!!!!". Its human natural to act so.

Here, my pauline dear, are very hot. Out of no where, she blamed me, she is mad at me, and she said that why she have such a selfish boyfriend. In the first place, i wanted to call her to get sweet to her and to speak nicely, but turn out she blamed me. Of coz, my first reaction is, "Gosh?? i am innocent???" Then it drive me a bit mad, and I tell her what I should tell her, and i tell her the fact. I understand her feeling why she blame me and I didn't blame her for that of course. If by blaming me she can feels better... come on then....

There is a story of Ninja. Anyone know why ninja need to meditate like monk? and you know why monk wan to meditate like ninja? Coz they share the same meaning of being "cool down" will make everything feels better, and by feeling better, they can perform well in anything. In chinese there is a word called "Ren". This word "Ren", is the hardest ability human can master. We will just depend on our EQ to perform our daily task. Anything override our EQ, we will blast off and frenzy mode will activate. Ever heard of small kid that are too superly naughty and then end up sending the kid to a temple for a part time monk? This is to teach them the reason why they are born into this world and also to teach them to be a so called good boy, so that they can behave maturely like other.

Anyway, dear... I can't blame myself to come out with the idea of buying car actually, I have the reason of not to buy and you have the reason of to buy. But at last, to be rational, I did say to buy is a good choice. : ) So keep it up k?? I will support you no matter what.

Back to my 4 season story... so, from the story above, can you see that how human act when things went bad? 1 hour ago, it is very nice and sweet. 1 hour later, shouting "SHUT UP" happened... Life are just wonderful and challanging : )

Just Purely Awesome

It is very awesome how well the days is going on. My dear Pauline is working for her last day today. She has her hard time and of course great time working as a part timer at Mid Valley. She manage to have some new friend and clubbed (which make me so jealous and worried). But its ok, i am glad for what it is as long as she is happy : ) Cheer up baby~~

Anyway, do you believe in LUCK? For me, luck are just like stock market, fluctuate all the time, it can drop all the way to the drain and it can rush up like a bull, but what important is, be HUMBLE when your luck comes, and be STRONG when your bad luck is visiting.

Of course, it happen to everyone and my dear. She can be so happy at some point of life, and it can be sooo seriously EMO that sometimes she don't even recognize as her bf anymore. But what important is when she is EMO, i just did the best i can. Sometimes, i did say the wrong thing, and i am sorry for that. Sometimes i was just like a lecturer, she just so fed up listen me talking. But its ok... i talk my lung out just because i hope she can accept 10% of what i say then it is enough.

Anyway, be happy always : )

A Life Changing Lesson

Faith~ an investment to the future.
Having a strong faith is like having an attraction to all the POSITIVE elements one will get in life.
commitment is to invest the heart into making the Dream comes true.

Today, my dear told me a touching story about the importance of Faith and Commitment in a person.

He tell me a touching story of how much a mother had put her faith into building her dream home, thus, how she commit without giving up to make her dream come true. Now this is not yet the happy-ending, because her testimonial blossomed into my life.

i'm so dumb and immature, EXPECTING SO LESS out of my life. Reality hit me just every time i dream of a dream i wanted myself to be.

Well, i realise i shouldn't be so depressed about my life. I have a bunch of lovely Disney friends, Childhood friend, New friends that are very nice to hang out with, and a precious bf. DOn't know why i still complaint non-stop and at the same time do nothing to change my life.

I wanted to commit whole heartedly to make my "beautiful dream" came to pass..

Pray to my dear Father God & my dear Kapo Papa will always be with me through everydays of my life.

I Will Always Love You

From Kapo dad: Today i was sick, very terribly, and I hope kapo mami is here with me but she is not. I am not so energized this morning, saw some facebook post and seeing that kapo mami say if she didn't get the freedom, she will break away le.... this drive my blood rushing in my vein unsteadily, slow and fast and slow and fast. Why slow? coz it's my fault, why fast? coz I can't imagine I have a day to break this Kapo story.

Its 12pm noon, and I can't sleep at this hour even I am very tired and sick and missing someone badly. Browse thru some web and facebook, and got 2 thing to share with my darling here~

It might be very common and maybe i am outdated but this picture is very meaningful to me. It explain the whole story of what our Kapo family need.

First of all, I realise the lock is very rusty, do you know what it mean?? it mean that this love is forever. Even it got so rusty and got so cheap looking, both of them still sticking to form a love shape together.

Next, look at the head of the lock. Even the body is so rusty and old, the head of the lock are just still as shining as new. Means? the love are just as good as new.

Third one, in order to form a love shape with the lock, you have to set both of the lock free. Imagine, even the lock is LOCKed in a cross shape together. EVEN, its together, do you think you still can see the love shape?

Finally, see that background is in light brown colour? Ever research the meaning of different colour? Brown mean "down-to-earth" which also mean natural. Do you think that love is blind and its very natural? DO you see love as perfect as there is not even an arguement? NO! Love are just as natural and as colourful as we can imagine. There is no love if there is no obstacle in between. Going back to the rusty body, they get so rusted because they fought a lot, in cloudy or in rain, in the morning or in the night. Everything are just as natural as how the earth spin.

So dear kapo, I write this is because, even though we have so many problem, I hope we have the day like how this lock look like. Just be as natural and I have learn lesson for this, lets get your own freedom: ) Have fun with your life darling~

My colleague asked me do I have a gf and where is she. I say KL, and she say WOW so far...can you?Without wondering, i answered her : "SURE WHY NOT! its simple because I LOVE HER"